Transcript
WEBVTT
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And so we're going back and forth and he's like leave me alone.
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You know, get out of my face, leave me alone.
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And I'm like, no, I, you know I'm this is new to me.
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So I'm like, no, we need to talk.
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So I'm on the edge of our stairs, coming out of the bedroom, the bedroom, and he says, leave me alone.
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I'm like no, we need to.
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He's like leave me alone.
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And he pushed me and I fell down the stairs.
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Welcome to the Call by God podcast with Adni Godin and myself, Nixon Sylvain.
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This show is about dialogues of biblical characters and testimonies of Christians who submitted to the will of God.
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Each week, we bring on one guest so that they can share their story of how they were called by God.
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I hope this show inspires you.
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Enjoy.
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Oh, thank you for sharing that and the reason I asked you that question.
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It literally was stirring in my spirit because I'm like as a little girl, you lose a parent and you're strong.
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So it's like when does the grief overtake you in that strength, right?
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So here it is you are about to get married and you have to go back to when he wasn't there for those different milestones, to now, as you're preparing to be someone's wife.
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So your dad wasn't even there to vet the person that you're about to marry.
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Your dad wasn't even there to say, hey, I don't think this is a right decision for you, right?
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So you know where we're going now.
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Right, you're about to get married.
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When you met this person, because I know the story.
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I know the story I want you to share, from when you met your ex-husband to when you married your husband, to when it led to divorce.
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So you're giving us the meeting point, everything that happened, who was in your ears, getting engaged to yeah, we can't be together, no more type situation.
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Right, we actually worked together, the company I worked for.
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I have been there probably a couple of years, and then he started working there and immediately he just I think it was just my demeanor and my character, I was just very, you know, our, our sister Elizabeth, our sister Liz she teases me all the time.
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She says, sis, you just walk in the building for worship service and you are focused, you are not looking at anyone or any.
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I mean, you smile and you say hi and you hug, but because you're a worker, you're just, you're focused, and so that that was me.
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Even then, um, you know, at at 24, you know, at the time, um, I was just focused, I was just focused.
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And I remember going into his training class and I was a part of the management team and so I introduced myself and we were talking and he asked me a question that was kind of not witty, but he was kind of trying to get a rise out of me, kind of questioned something I had said, and so I made a little witty, snappy comeback and everyone was like ooh and everyone was like Ooh.
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You know I wasn't rude, but you could tell he was used to um, testing.
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You know someone very smart, very intelligent, um, and so it was kind of like in that moment, when I was able to, you know, match the energy, he became curious.
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Looking back on that now, he had already set in place this is a challenge.
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Set in place, this is a challenge, and so I'm in management.
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Uh, he, he's a customer service rep at the time.
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Um, he used to try to talk to me and I would just keep walking, um, you know, but he was, he wasn't defeated, he just kept on.
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And then I remember him asking me.
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He said well, I'm new, you know, to Texas.
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He's from Louisiana.
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He's like I've only been here, you know, maybe six months.
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I need to find an apartment.
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I'm living with my cousin right now and I need to find an apartment.
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Would you help me?
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I said that's a weird request.
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I said okay, I guess I could help you find an apartment.
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I never did, it, just never worked out.
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I just ignored him or didn't respond Um, but it it.
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It wasn't until, um, maybe a few months later he said just, let me just take you out to dinner or a movie.
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And I said, oh, okay, just dinner and a movie.
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And after that and I remember falling asleep in the movie he said you know, I would I normally someone that would do that I would not have contacted them again.
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But he says I don't know, it's just something about you.
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So it was the pursuit and me at the time really not understanding courtship the way God intended, because we don't have a biblical reference, we don't have any instructions on how to date or how to court.
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You know you are either betrothed or you know we just what we read they're already a wife.
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But I didn't understand anything.
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So I thought the pursuit was cute, I was flattered that he's going out of his way to impress me, but I made it challenging for him, which I shouldn't have.
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I know that now, but I made it challenging for him in letting him know I am a member of the body of Christ, the church of Christ, and you don't have a chance unless you are a member of the body, and that was another challenge for him.
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He attended worship services with me, he attended Bible studies with me and probably seven months into us dating he was baptized.
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So two months after that we became engaged.
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Nine months we were married.
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Probably I think it was exactly one year almost, I don't know if it was to date, but it was exactly one year from the time we went out on that first date.
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We were married.
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I believe it was that February of 99.
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That May we both accepted a transfer with the company we were working for to move to Missouri and open and start a new call center.
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So we moved, we were married Well, I would say engaged, married moved like all within right at six months maybe.
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And there was us, you know.
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So we were familiar with everyone.
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We really didn't have any, we didn't have any family there, but we had our work family and we moved to this new area.
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Most of our co-workers, you know, lived on the same street, because this is a new area where they had, you know, duplexes and everything was, you know, duplexes and um, everything was, you know, going pretty well.
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We're newlyweds and we're we're in St Joseph, missouri, which was 45 minutes North of Kansas city, and I thought, okay, you know, this is, this is nice.
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Um, we were there, I would say maybe about three months, and he went out with some co-workers and that wasn't a big deal, you know, I knew everyone, but I was at home and he didn't get in until about two o'clock in the morning.
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He didn't get in until about 2 o'clock in the morning.
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I was asleep but I knew it was late.
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He wasn't there at 10, 11, 12.
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I remember it was about 2 o'clock in the morning.
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He woke me up, coming in.
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I remember opening my eyes and looking at the clock.
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Well, I didn't say anything.
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The next morning I woke up and my spirit was just disturbed.
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I asked him.
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I said where were you?
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He was like I was out.
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I said well, I know you were out, but two o'clock in the morning you didn't call or anything.
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You know, we just had a landline.
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And he said call you for what.
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You knew where I was.
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You knew you know who I was with.
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You knew where I was.
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You knew, you know who I was with.
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I said well, that's not the point.
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And so we, we were arguing and you know our, our bedroom was was upstairs, and so you know he's trying to walk out of the room and I'm like no, you know, we need to have a discussion.
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You know we're we're married and you just don't stay out, you know, until two o'clock in the morning and you don't feel like you owe me an explanation.
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And so we're we're going back and forth and he's like leave me alone.
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You know, get out of my face, leave me alone.
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And I'm like, no, I, you know, I'm this is new to me.
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So I'm like, no, we need to talk.
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I'm this is new to me.
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So I'm like, no, we need to talk.
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So I'm on the edge of our stairs, um, coming out of the bedroom, and he says leave me alone.
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I'm like no, we need to.
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He's like leave me alone.
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And he pushed me and I fell down the stairs and and I'm at the bottom of the stairs and I'm just, you know, I'm moving my arms, my legs, because I'm not, because I know when I hit the bottom of these stairs, something's going to be broken.
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And you know, I just the wind was knocked out of me and so I just kind of looked up out of me and so I just kind of looked up and he looked down the stairs and I'm thinking he's, you know, going to run down the stairs.
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Oh, my goodness, you know, are you okay?
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I didn't mean to, but he just looked down the stairs and he said I told you to leave me alone and he closed the bedroom door.
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That was the beginning of the end.
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He never touched me again after that for some time.
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I remember calling my mom that day and saying calling my mom that day and saying I'm coming home now and my mom said what happened?
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What's going on?
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I'm coming home and my mom is saying what's going on?
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You're married, you just can't come home.
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You know, did you have a fight?
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Did you have an argument?
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And my mom is remarried at this time.
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So my stepdad you know James, he's in the background.
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What's going on, what's wrong, what you know, what happened?
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And so she's like let me talk to her, you know.
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And I told my mom what happened.
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She said are you OK?
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I said yeah, I'm fine.
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She said anything broken?
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You know, you have to go to the hospital.
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I said, mom, no, I'm fine, you're married, you made a vow before God.
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She said I'm glad you're okay, but she said you're going to have to work this out.
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I said, okay, all right, this is.
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I'm devastated.
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I'm devastated because I'm baby girl.
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My room should just be ready for me to come back whenever I want.
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I couldn't even speak, I couldn't even talk.
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I just remember just mumbling when you're on the verge of crying and your lips are curled and you're trembling, and I just said okay, and I just, you know, I remember hanging up the phone, but he never touched me during the time that we were there.
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But he became very distant, very distant.
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Um, we had our moments that were okay, um, but it was maybe a year after we had been there.
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Um, he was let go, uh, from the position.
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Um, and he told me um, you know, I'm moving back to Texas now in between.
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This time, you know, he's uh.
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I came to find out that he was.
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He was cheating with a co-worker.
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I did confront him about that.
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I remember he punched a hole in the wall.
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But I, what happened?
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Uh, pushing me down the stairs, him punching a hole in the wall.
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I knew that either I had to leave or I had to take it.
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And I didn't push him too much after that because I was scared of what he would do.
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I didn't push him too much after that because I was scared of what he would do.
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But what was even more terrifying was breaking my vow of marriage that I made to God.
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So I was willing to stay in the marriage and suffer because I didn't want to break that vow.
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I didn't want to break that vow, I didn't want to disappoint God.
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So I was willing to just let him do whatever he wanted to do and I didn't want to get him angry but fast forward to him being let go.
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He said I'm moving back to Texas and I said, well, I love my job here, I don't want to move back to Texas.
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So he says, well, you can stay here, I'm moving back.
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I said, okay.
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So he actually, he found another job here in Texas.
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I stayed there about a year.
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I moved out of our place where we were and got a little two-bedroom.
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It was real cheap back then.
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I think I was paying like $3.25 a month and I stayed there for a year working and then we always talked every day that he says okay, I want you to come to Texas.
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You know, you know it doesn't make sense for you to stay there, of course you know he was, you know, talked to by his, his mom and dad, about you know how he left me there and and that I was his wife and I didn't need to be there by myself.
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So he did tell me.
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He said, okay, you're coming back to Texas, you know, with me.
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And after we talked and mended, you know, mended some things, he did come, you know, and move me back.
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So when we moved back, I didn't work.
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He didn't want me to work.
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That was another sign.
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I thought, oh, he doesn't want me to work, that's okay.
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I thought that was cute.
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No, it was just, you know, a sign of control.
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I didn't work.
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When I moved back here, he was working.
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And another incident happened where he was out with some coworkers, didn't come in until late, and I said, okay, this has to be a conversation, because at this point I feel vulnerable because I'm depending on him.
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So my approach wasn't as aggressive as it was, you know, let's say, two years ago.
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But I did go to him when he came in, I didn't go to bed, I stayed up and it was probably about one o'clock because he got off at five and he did tell me he was going out with coworkers.
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Okay, it's one o'clock in the morning, so he comes in.
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Uh, obviously he's inebriated and I said, okay, I, I, I can't, I can't do this, I can't do this anymore, I'm not working.
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I'm here, I don't mind you going out with your co-workers, and I understand that clients come in and you have to.
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You know you want to meet.
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I said, but one o'clock in the morning, you know, and I'm being, I'm approaching it, really, I'm being really ginger, you know, I'm being gentle and I said what's going on?
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And he gets in my face and he's basically like you know, tell you anything, expletive, expletive.
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I said, no, you're going to tell me where you've been.
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This doesn't make any sense, I can't do this anymore.
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And I did kind of, I nudged him in the head with my finger.
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Well, he hauled off and decked me in the eye and I mean I feel my face is on fire.
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I've never been punched and I'm, I'm like holding my face and I'm and I grab, I jump up and I grab my phone because I'm like, I'm calling my sisters.
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This is it, you're in trouble now.
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He grabbed my phone and threw it up against the wall and it it broke.
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He was like you're not going anywhere.
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And now I'm scared.
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Now I'm scared.
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So, um, I, I managed to to to go out, go outside.
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And I actually ended up going up the street and they still had pay phones At least it was one pay phone in that area and I remember going to the car and I got some change and I went up the street Cause I told him.
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I said I just, I just need, you know, to get away, I just need some fresh air.
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But I went up the street and I called my sister and I said he, he hit me.
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And she said, okay, where are you?
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And I told her she picked me up.
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She said we're not going to talk.
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She didn't talk to me All the way back to her apartment.
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She put me in the spare bedroom.
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Her husband was sitting up waiting.
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When we came in, she said just let her go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning.
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So I went to sleep, you know, of course.
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She, you know, gave me some whatever frozen.
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It wasn't frozen peas.
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She gave me something for my eye frozen peas.
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She gave me something for my eye.
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And the next morning I woke up and she took off from work.
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She said, okay, this is it.
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What are you going to do?
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She said I'm not going to call mom, um, you know, and, and James, you know our stepdad.
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She said I'm not going to call them.
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She said but you, you need to leave.
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She said I can't, I can't see this Um.
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And he called.
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He called her, harassing her.
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You know where's my wife, um, she's not going to leave.
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You know, you can't keep her, um and my, my sister's going back and forth with him.
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Now you come over here, come, come on, cause I'm not letting her go and you could come over here if you want to.
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And then, after a day of me sitting there, I started feeling that guilt again.
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I can't leave him, I can't break my vow, I can't, I can't do it, um.
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And so I told my sister later that day.
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I said I'm going back.
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And she's like are you kidding me?
00:24:40.998 --> 00:24:47.547
I said I, you know, I shouldn't have nudged him in the forehead, I'm putting it on me.
00:24:47.547 --> 00:24:50.250
And she said OK.
00:24:50.250 --> 00:24:55.137
She said I can't make you stay.
00:24:55.137 --> 00:24:57.461
I can't make you stay.
00:24:57.461 --> 00:25:00.928
She said I wish I could, but she told me.
00:25:00.928 --> 00:25:08.007
She said this is not going to stop, it will not stop.
00:25:08.007 --> 00:25:15.565
And I said I just won't make him angry anymore.
00:25:15.565 --> 00:25:21.163
And she said okay, okay.
00:25:21.163 --> 00:25:21.846
She said I can't.
00:25:21.846 --> 00:25:23.619
I can't make you stay.
00:25:23.619 --> 00:25:26.619
She said you, you'll have to, you'll have to work this out.
00:25:26.619 --> 00:25:29.818
So I ended up make you stay.
00:25:29.818 --> 00:25:42.486
She said you, you'll have to, you'll have to work this out, um, so I ended up, you know, uh, she dropped me off Um, and I went in um, and you know, of course it was.
00:25:42.665 --> 00:25:45.959
He was, was already home, um, cause I didn't have a you know keys or anything, cause I left.
00:25:45.959 --> 00:25:48.748
So he didn't have you know keys or anything, because I left.
00:25:48.748 --> 00:25:55.827
So he was, you know, very remorseful, you know, apologetic.
00:25:55.827 --> 00:25:58.362
You know he cooked.
00:25:58.362 --> 00:26:01.501
You know, let me see your eye.
00:26:01.501 --> 00:26:05.204
You know he was just trying to make everything better.
