May 6, 2024
193. I Can See Clearly, Part 1
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As your hosts, Nic and Adnie, engage in a dialogue with Falon Sells who takes us on a about the high and lows of life. Her raw honesty and powerful testimony she brings to the table illuminate the path from turmoil to tranquility.
Join us for a conversation that isn't afraid to confront the often painful family dynamics and the resilience that can emerge from spiritual awakening.
Co-host: 99 Ways To Win Podcast
Recommended Book: The Tamar Stories Sisterhood: Book 1
A Call to Salvation
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Transcript
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To be honest, I ended up just like my mom.
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Yeah, I can say that I chased men in place of my children.
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So looking back now, I can say this is what happened and this is how it happened and this is why it happened, and that is now why I'm so adamant about my children.
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Welcome to the Call by God podcast with Adne Godet and myself, nixon Sylvain.
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This show is about dialogues of biblical characters and testimonies of Christians who submitted to the will of God.
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Each week, we bring on one guest so that they can share their story of how they were called by God.
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I hope this show inspires you.
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Enjoy.
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Welcome to the Call by God podcast, a podcast where we share personal stories of faith and discuss the Bible teachings on salvation.
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I'm your host, brother Nick, and I'm here with sister Adne Godet, and we are honored to share these powerful stories with you.
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Today we have a special guest, Fallon Sells, who will be sharing her testimony of how she came to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior.
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Fallon will share her struggles before finding salvation.
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In addition, she will expound on how her decision to follow Christ and how that decision has had a positive impact on her faith journey and on her life.
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Sister Sells testimony will remind us that, no matter our past, God's love and grace are available to all who seek Him.
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It will also serve as a reminder that salvation is not just about getting into heaven y'all, but also about the transformation that occurs in our hearts and lives when we accept Jesus as our Lord and our Savior.
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So join us as we listen to sister Sells powerful testimony.
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Sister Sells, welcome to the Call by God podcast.
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How are you doing?
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I'm doing wonderful.
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Thank you, I'm excited to be here.
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Amen, amen, go ahead, sister Adne.
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I'm just so elated in how some preachers be saying high in a, was it high in a proud and peacock happy, or something like that.
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Or peacock happy, high in a proud.
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That you said yes.
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That you said yes to the call.
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I know your story has.
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It's going to touch a lot of lives.
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I remember the first time I heard you was on the young adult sisters call and I'm like this girl, this young woman right here.
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She has a story and the thing that people don't understand and realize is that when you become a Christian, there's always a story to help someone else understand why we say yes to Jesus.
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So I thank you for coming on and sharing your story with us.
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Thank, you for inviting me, amen.
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Yes, yes, let me tell you something the world is in for a treat.
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Let me tell you something Some soul out there, sister Sells, is going to be touched what you're about to share, cause I heard a little bit about your story, but I know Adne probably know a little bit more than me, so we're just looking forward to it.
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As I mentioned that, this is just like a virtual fellowship hall, and then I want you, cause we know you, but our listeners don't know you.
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So tell our listeners a little bit about yourself.
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Well, basically, I'm just a I want to say middle age, right, so I'll be 41 in four days, mother of three, grandmother of two, just a living life.
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So I'm a sinner, you know, and I'm just.
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I figured it out that Jesus is the only way, and that's the only way I want to rock with, and so I just want to share that with everybody.
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Amen, amen, I love it, I love it, I love it.
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So, again, like this and you didn't mention this, I don't know if it's something you didn't want to mention, cause I know you are a podcastor, you also are a podcastor and I have a heart and a love for podcasters, cause I know when folks are using the gift or their platforms to you know, be a value or be a blessing to somebody else, especially in the kingdom of God, cause you could be using any platform, any podcast, and no pun, nothing against any other podcast, but I believe a podcast that's related to people's soul salvation is the most important podcast that anybody can listen to.
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So I know your podcast.
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Do you want to tell us a little bit about your podcast or?
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Yeah, sure, 99 Ways to Win was founded by Michelle Wright, a fellow sister in Christ.
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She's an awesome, awesome human being.
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I also met her on the Young Adult Sister Prayer Call and she was doing a podcast and she was like we got to talking and she was like you know what I need a co-host and you're perfect for it.
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She was like you know, you're so funny and you're so raw and you're just so honest about you know everything.
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So she was like you know, I would like for you to do that.
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So, yeah, I was like, of course.
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So 99 Ways to Win podcast got a little.
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It's just a raw look, not necessarily scripture field, but just, you know, just a raw look at life and what people are going through, what kids may be going through, mothering, absent, fathering, you know, just a whole bunch of different life things.
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So we just talk about that and there's a little humor in it, a lot of Christian in it, you know, and a lot of ways to overcome.
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Hey man, hey man, and y'all go back and y'all check it out 99 Ways to Win Again.
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That's the number 99 Ways to Win with Michelle.
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All right, powerful.
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It's a powerful, definitely a powerful podcast.
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There was times when I was at work and I said you know what?
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Let me listen to this podcast.
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And that definitely has blessed me.
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So I like the work that Michelle is doing and I know 2024 is gonna be a big year for you guys.
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So I'm speaking it and I'm claiming it.
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So I'm looking forward to that.
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But enough with that let's.
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You know I like listening to or hearing my brothers and my sisters in Christ testimonies.
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It's always fascinated me, I think, when I see folks get baptized, you know when folks obey the gospel, you know when we are worshiping, the preachers are preaching and you know how hard it is to like stand up and obey the call.
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It takes a lot, Cause them demons, them devils are like you ain't going nowhere.
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You ain't going nowhere, not yet, not yet.
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So I know you wasn't always a Christian, we wasn't always a Christian, so we want you to walk us back before you obey the gospel.
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You're upbringing, you know, we want to know how life was like for sister cells.
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Before Jesus Christ, before all of this stuff, walk us through your life.
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Man, I guess my.
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I think my earliest memory is probably of going to this town called Lonoke, you know, and it's a one stop light town, you know, and this is where my entire family is from, like they're rooted there it's.
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I can't date anyone there because everybody is some kind of kin to me, but we would go down there to see my.
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We only went down there, like we went down there all the time, but my memory of going down there the earliest I can remember is when I was about four or five years old and I went down there to see Mama T, which was my great aunt, and it was Christmas time.
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Mama T was I don't know how she had the money, I don't know what she did for a living.
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I think she was like a maid, but she always got us the good gifts, and so I pretty much can just remember just that.
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She zeroed in all the time on what I needed or what I wanted, and she got that.
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You know.
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So, but coming from there other than that, I really don't know in my life who, if there was anyone else paying attention to me at that.
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So I never had like.
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I've always felt like the forgotten child.
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There was never a time when I felt like I was lifted up.
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If I was noticed, it was cause I did something wrong.
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You know, it was just.
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It was I had an older brother.
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He is well, I have an older brother.
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He's seven years older than me and then I have and we grew up together.
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I do have a younger brother now, but he came years later, like my mom, she was 40 years old when she had him.
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But you know, my life is almost like just a passing glance just thinking back on it.
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Even last night we did this.
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We were on the prayer call and they were asking what is?
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If you can go back to any time of your life, that was the most joy.
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Where would it be?
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They don't know it, but I was crying on the other end because I had no memory of anything that I've ever done as a child that I would have wanted to go back to.
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You know, and it's so innocent to be like looking back now, I'm like that was an innocent time, but it just was never a fun time for me, because I had fun sometimes, but there was never a point where I would even, because there was always something behind it or something in front of it, where it was always something.
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But yeah, my life was just pretty much I was just kind of a forgotten child.
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In school People would say I was a bad kid.
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I don't think I was bad.
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Looking at it now, I really don't think I was bad.
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I think I was just so tall that people thought I should have been behaving differently than just a regular five-year-old because I look seven or whatever.
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So I think that when I talk it was more like you know better, because I'm taller than everybody.
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I'm six foot one right now, so I'm a tall woman.
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So as a little kid I was always a foot ahead, taller than everybody.
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So it was like I should have known better.
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I feel like I was zeroed in with that kind of stuff.
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So it was just a forgotten life.
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It was just life.
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That was it for me.
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So I don't have fond memories like that.
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I hung around a lot of old people, elderly people.
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My mom worked at an elderly center and every morning I had to go there.
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I drank coffee.
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Every morning as a five, six years old I was drinking coffee, made my own cup.
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My mom would take me there to get ready for work and then she dropped me off at school, but in the evenings when I got out of school I would go to her job and all of those elderly people.
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It was like an elderly activity center and I would hang around all those elderly people and I was the only little kid there.
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So guess what?
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I got all the attention.
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They were so sweet to me.
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I loved every bit of them.
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They were just.
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I got a lot out of them and I got a lot of joy out of them.
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Now that I think about it, that's a memory to me and I guess being around those elderly people was my happy place.
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And my mom then started working at an elderly nursing home.
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I was in there and massaging the elderly people's hands and stuff.
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They'd be like come over here, come over here next and I'd go over there.
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So elderly people were a big part of my life.
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I really appreciated them.
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I listened to all their stories, I marveled at them.
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I loved them for some reason.
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Even my stepdad's mom.
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She asked me one time there was no kids in the house.
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I used to stay over there sometimes and she asked me one time.
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She looked at me and she was like why are you even over here and I said well, I don't know.
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And she was like there's no kids over here and you're just like old people.
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And I was like I just like you and that was it.
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So it was just.
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But even now, looking back, I'm like I can.
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I don't think they like my mom much, so why was I over there?
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I wasn't related to it.
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So now I can see the slight in it now, like why are you over here?
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You're not my grandkids, but she still let me over there.
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So that was sweet, but I think she loved me anyway.
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So the way you felt when you were young as being a forgotten child, do you think it had a lot to do with the home, the household dynamic?
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Because I know, sometimes when people don't have their mothers in their lives or even their fathers like for me, I didn't have my dad in my life and that really that troubled me as a youth.
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So could you walk us through that process, like what was the driving factors that led you to feel the way you actually felt?
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And I think it's important because we live in an age where there's a lot of single mothers that's raising children, even single fathers that's raising children.
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And even if a young adult is listening to this episode, I want to know like I'm not saying that's your case, but I just want you to walk us through that those dynamics, like what led to that?
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Well, that's me feeling like I was the forgotten child.
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Was basically, again, I had an older brother.
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He was seven years older than me.
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He got a lot of stuff from my mom, for some reason, I don't know.
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He just they talked a lot more, they laughed more.
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It was never silly moments with me and my mom.
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It was just, you know, and my dad was out of the picture altogether.
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So my brother was able to do things, he was able to have friends over.
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I just sat there Like it, just I was, I don't know it.
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Just there was never a time when there was a genuine moment of I'm just happy to be your mom.
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I don't think I ever felt that, even like during times when she may have had a little money because we didn't have money, you know but even times when she had a little money, it was like she was excited to go and buy my brother stuff.
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We went to the mall for him.
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For me it was like she would literally tell me I don't have much money for you.
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You know what I'm saying.
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So you know, and it was just kind of, it was an aggravation.
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I felt like an aggravation to everybody, you know.
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So it was just.
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You know, even my brother, you know I go around him, you know.
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You know, get away from me.
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You know I don't want to take you anywhere, hey, you know.
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And then, like, if he did want to go somewhere and my mom was there, she was like, take your sister, I don't want to take her.
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Well, you're not leaving her here.
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Come on, man, like you know.
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So it's kind of like, does anybody want me?
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Yeah, where am I supposed to be?
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You know there were friends every once in a while.
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You know where we lived.
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You know there were friends sometimes, but I never had the feeling like family.
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My stepdad, my stepdad, was there since I have, has been with me since I was born.
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I never called him dad.
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You know like who who wouldn't call somebody that they were raised with as their father?
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I even introduce him as my dad to people, but I don't call him dad.
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So I've never had.
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I feel uncomfortable even calling my dad dad.
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It's it's a weird term to me.
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It's it's uncomfortable.
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So it's just.
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If I didn't have a dad, I felt like I was a bother to my mom.
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My brother didn't want to be a big brother.
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Where do I fit in?
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So it's kind of like nobody's paying attention to just the little things.
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Instead, it was if you got in, if you did something wrong.
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That's when you got all the attention, but even then it was negative.
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You know so, and that's not what I wanted, even when I tried to do something good, that's how I think, that's how I started people pleasing was let me try to do this, let me do this, let me do this, and then it still wasn't looked at.
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Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do, you know, type thing.
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But my brother could do something and just anything, and he gets praises, and you know, like, for instance, my brother and he probably gonna be mad at me if I say this but he played basketball for school, but he never got in.
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You know what I mean.
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I, on the other hand, was averaging 22 points a game.
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Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
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But you know so it was just kind of like one of those things, like everybody had to come show up for his basketball games.
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But here I am, you know so that is good.
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My mom did show up to my sports games, though I will say that she showed up for every basketball game that was at home and all my volleyball games that was at home.
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That was the only thing I could do to make her pay attention to me.
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Let me ask you this question because, as I'm listening to you, do you believe that your mom and your biological dad kind of got together, but there wasn't nothing there, and then you was the Oops.
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Well, speaking of that, my father, me and my brother.
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That's seven years apart.
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We have the same father.
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We have the same father.
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My father was very abusive to my mother when my mother finally decided to leave I'm pregnant, but I'm gonna go anyway.
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So she left and I was the product of the separation.
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So I never seen my father and mother together.
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My brother did and he saw all the abuse.
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He saw the guns and the beating her and all that stuff.
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He saw all of that.
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I didn't see any of that.
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And then my stepdad came.
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I think he was there a little bit before the separation but he didn't care because he wanted my mom.
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So I'm pregnant, well, we'll raise her up.
00:19:49.130 --> 00:19:51.685
I guess he loved her like that.
00:19:51.685 --> 00:19:54.269
So he raised, he took care of me.
00:19:54.269 --> 00:19:56.027
He did take care of me.
00:19:56.582 --> 00:20:00.028
I will say that I just still never felt comfortable calling him dad.
00:20:00.028 --> 00:20:04.330
I don't know if my brother might have put something in my ear about that, because he did have.
00:20:04.330 --> 00:20:05.481
He knew my dad.
00:20:05.481 --> 00:20:07.204
So I don't remember.
00:20:07.204 --> 00:20:12.487
If he said don't call him dad, he says he did tell me that.
00:20:12.487 --> 00:20:14.185
So I don't know if that's what it was.
00:20:14.185 --> 00:20:15.202
I can't remember.
00:20:15.202 --> 00:20:18.126
But he did take care of me.
00:20:18.126 --> 00:20:22.130
He did the fatherly things but there was no love.
00:20:22.130 --> 00:20:24.326
He was kind of Detached.
00:20:24.326 --> 00:20:28.538
Yeah, he was Detached.
00:20:28.538 --> 00:20:32.321
He was very detached, I don't Sometimes.
00:20:32.321 --> 00:20:43.886
And I think my mom chasing for him kind of took the focus off of your kid, so it kind of did that.
00:20:43.886 --> 00:20:45.566
So that's what I'm thinking happened.
00:20:45.566 --> 00:20:57.258
Looking back now I can see that she was just kind of chasing him more so than raising us, gotcha, as I'm listening to you because we're going to get into these questions.
00:20:57.278 --> 00:21:18.632
I just want you to go a little deeper here To see your mom being the one chasing someone else, but not chasing you as far as like being her daughter, but making you feel like you didn't belong.
00:21:18.632 --> 00:21:25.385
And then the reason I'm asking this question because self-esteem is something that a lot of young women deal with.
00:21:25.385 --> 00:21:31.868
You understand what I'm saying, especially when you have a mother and most girls want to be like their mom.
00:21:31.868 --> 00:21:34.502
You understand what I mean.
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To know that here it is, I'm born, and you made me feel like I was invincible.
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What I want?
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